I was recently catching up with a new friend over coffee when the conversation inevitably turned to money, as it often does when conversation switches to work.
My friend shared a pivotal moment in his career—the first time he earned over $200,000. For him, hitting that milestone was a major achievement, a symbol of all the hard work and dedication he’d put into his career.
But as our conversation continued, he revealed something unexpected:
“Nobody tells you that with more money comes more stress, more responsibility, and more demands. It often feels like I have less freedom now than I did before.”
His story is a common one—chasing after financial success without first understanding your relationship with money can lead to more pressure, not less. For him, the key wasn’t just earning more, but rethinking his entire approach to money.
What does your relationship with money look like?
If you’ve never considered your relationship with money, it might not be as healthy as it could be. But what does it mean to have a relationship with money?
We’re used to thinking about relationships in terms of people—partners, family, friends. But the truth is, we also have relationships with things, like money, that play crucial roles in our lives.
Consider how you treat your mobile phone.
Some people are careful, always keeping it in a case and making sure it’s charged. Others are more relaxed, only taking care of it when something goes wrong.
Your approach to money can be similar. Whether you realise it or not, you have a relationship with money, and that relationship can be positive or negative.
When your relationship with money isn’t working
Many people don’t recognise that they have a relationship with money, and even those who do might find it’s not a particularly positive one.
Maybe you have a good income but struggle to save as much as you’d like. Perhaps you spend impulsively on things that don’t really matter to you. Or you might be hesitant to negotiate for better pay, leaving you earning less than you deserve.
Even if you’re earning well and saving responsibly, money can still be a source of anxiety. It’s common for couples to have conflicting views on money, leading to disagreements and stress.
Money is a major stressor for many people, and this stress is often exacerbated by a complicated relationship with it.
Money’s impact on every aspect of life
It’s no surprise that money is a significant source of stress—it touches nearly every aspect of our lives.
- Housing: Should you buy or rent? How much can you afford? What’s the best way to manage your housing costs?
- Career: Are you being paid what you’re worth? How can you maximise your earnings? What’s your long-term financial plan?
- Wellbeing: Can you afford to take a holiday? How do your financial choices impact your health and peace of mind?
- Relationships: Do you and your partner see eye-to-eye on spending? Are there financial secrets in your relationship? How does money influence your interactions?
Financial decisions are rarely isolated from the rest of your life—they’re intertwined with your personal and professional choices.
Exploring your relationship with money
A common belief is that having more money will solve financial problems. It’s easy to think that a higher salary, a promotion, or an unexpected windfall will ease financial stress.
But those who have experienced a sudden increase in income know that new financial challenges often arise. These challenges change in nature but don’t disappear if your underlying relationship with money remains unexamined.
If you’re struggling to change your financial habits or still feel anxious about money despite earning more, it might be time to explore your relationship with money more deeply.
It’s not just about your income
Your relationship with money isn’t necessarily tied to how much you make, nor is it a reflection of your intelligence.
Many people try to address their financial issues by seeking more information, but this approach often fails to produce lasting change. It’s easy to assume that financial struggles are due to a lack of knowledge or smarts.
However, improving your financial health is more about understanding the beliefs and behaviours that drive your decisions than about gathering more data. It’s about making meaningful changes, not just smart ones.
Uncovering your money scripts
The key to changing your relationship with money lies in understanding the underlying beliefs—known as money scripts—that shape your financial behaviours.
Money scripts are subconscious beliefs formed in childhood that influence how we handle money. They are often based on partial truths, yet they profoundly impact our financial decisions without us even realising it.
For instance, you might have grown up believing that money should be hoarded and never spent, or that it’s important to treat yourself whenever possible. Some people are taught that wealth is inherently negative, while others may believe they aren’t deserving of financial success.
These scripts can be incredibly powerful. If you don’t take the time to examine them, they can dictate your financial life in ways you might not be aware of.
Changing your financial story
Improving your relationship with money begins with identifying and challenging your money scripts.
You might find that some scripts have been helpful but are now limiting your potential. Others may have served you at one point in life but no longer make sense.
In some cases, you might uncover scripts that have caused you to sabotage your own financial success. The good news is that once you become aware of these scripts, you can start to change them.
Creating healthier financial habits
By examining and reshaping your relationship with money, you can develop healthier financial habits that lead to more positive outcomes and less stress.
You’ll be able to build a life that reflects your true financial values, manage debt in a way that aligns with your goals, and reduce anxiety around money.
Achieving financial health is within reach, but it requires shifting your focus from accumulating more knowledge to understanding your relationship with money.
Life is too short to let money dictate your happiness. Take the time to uncover and address your money scripts, and start building a healthier, more empowering relationship with your finances.
